Those Moments
by mama wolf likes kiwi pineapple
Summary: One-shot told from Leah's POV, about friendship and loss.


This is only my second or third attempted at writing a twilight fic (one-shot if you will) and the only one I will post.

This isn't beta'd so please excuse all grammar and punctuation errors.

It's told in Leah's POV and is OOC.

Those Moments

You know those moments in life that change your perspective or path that you're on. The moments that usually pass you by until you look back and wonder 'how did I end up here'. I've had a few of those and over the years.

At the time when a lot of 'those moments' happened and I wasn't completely aware that they would change everything, was too caught up in the situation or emotion and again it wasn't until later reflection when you realise or think if only I had done or said something different, maybe that would have changed things.

But sometimes no matter what I would have said or done it wouldn't have made a difference. Those are the moments when I was younger, when I was meant to be loved and protected, not abused and eventually thrown away.

After being on my own from a young age and having to rely on the kindness of friends and their family, although I didn't fully trust people (and the be perfectly honest I still don't) it really is no wonder that I ended up in other one of 'those moments'.

Maybe because of my younger years, I've always felt alone, kind of felt unconnected to people.

I guess thats due to my lack of trust but how was I meant to trust in people, when the very people who weren't meant to show me and teach those life lessons were the ones who took it away and destroyed that part of me.

Now that I am older and hopefully more understanding, I will never comprehend how a parent can continually blame and abuse a child for the adults decisions or situation.

When I was little older, I 'connected' with people but a part of me still felt a alone, like the connection that I deeply desired hadn't been found yet.

This lead me to my next life changing moment and I take full responsibly for this one. Regardless of my idealized perspective at the time, I knew it would change everything and I blindly went ahead full steam and be damn with the consequences.

Reality and hard truths did catch up to me quickly and I had to make some very hard decisions very fast and still at a young age.

This wasn't just about me anymore and I had to do what was best. As painful as it was, I fell that I did make the best decision, and that 'moment' in my life is definitely not one I regret.

I would dearly like to have changed the outcome, but I did realise that it just wasn't possible at the time.

It took a long time, and for me to hit some very very dark and low places, to be able to accept my decision (places I do not and can not go to again).

With the pasting of years and going through the motions of life, after a while I had finally dealt with everything from my younger part of life and accepted myself and actually grew to like myself.

I didn't care what was said about me, to my face or behind my back (I still didn't trust a lot of people and even fewer of those who actually knew the real me), if they weren't included in the few people that I did trust, then there opinion didn't really matter.

I hate lies, I don't play head games, and as a rule I'm honest because that's what I'd like in return.

This has caused some trouble for me in the past but I've found that if you're polite when speaking the truth everything will eventually work it self out.

So since I'm really not a people person (haha) and most generally annoy me, that brings me to my current 'moment'.

I was going about my life, happily enough and other 'moments' happen but non as when an unexpected friendship arose and changed everything.

Brady, what can I say about him. Not nearly enough that would make you understand what an amazing, talented, kind hearted, loving and caring young man he is.

Our friendship started slowly, a 'Hi' in passing, a few words exchanged the next time, then before I knew it we where talking for hours and about everything.

This development of course took months, as I don't trust easy, but eventually we sharing experiences, we laughed and listened, found out we had things in common.

He was even there for me when I had a personal family crisis and I didn't know who to turn to or how to handle it. He knew something was wrong and calmed me down and gave me his advise.

Even though Brady is years younger he made it easier for me to be me and it felt like he accepted me (which I probably don't need to tell you is a foreign concept for me). I finally felt the connection that I had been looking for and needed, understanding and true friendship.

Slowly he introduced me to his close circle of friends. All are very protective and love him dearly. I'm very thankful he has them in his life, he will need them as he travels along his chosen paths.

I felt honoured to meet them and for a small amount of time accepted by them too.

Now this brings me to my last life changing moment. The difference about this 'moment' is, I recognise in now, I don't need time later to look back and say 'oh that was the moment when everything went turned to ...'

I started again because of my insecurities. I was lying in a hospital bed attached to heart monitors, felling completely alone and yes insecure.

Half asleep and sightly confused, I though I could reach out to one of my new friends, she and I had spent countless hours talking, understanding each other, sharing inner thoughts sometimes over meals or just a cup of tea or coffee, and even consoling each other at times.

I know Brady and his close friends are connected more like family and in that moment, I felt more disconnected than ever. I wanted someone, wanted to feel needed but I reached out in the wrong way.

I voiced that I thought I was being ignored and maybe they didn't need or want me in their life anymore.

I didn't know that they were saying their good byes to a loved one and I guess because of their own grief they couldn't communication with me and I can't blame them for that, it was a personal and family time.

I hate being stuck alone in a hospital bed with only my thoughts, I know not everything is about me but I started to second guess everything, even my emotions and caring for Brady and his friends, this baffles me to most.

I'm moody, opinionated and don't care what others think of me, so why did I care why did my heart hurt when one of them was upset and hiding because of stupid ignorant people and their stupid ignorant comments.

How did I become the person who cared if one of them was sick or concerned and caring when they were stuck in road closures and in danger and hurt.

I don't have an answer for it, but I am that person now.

God it would make me smile just to see Brady's name appear on my phone. He could lighten my whole mood or even my whole day (as he does with most people he meets I'm sure).

It was eventually like that with his best friends too.

But I don't have that anymore. I got out of the hospital and not hearing anything from her, I was concerned and wanted to make sure was ok. I heard nothing, all my messages were ignored. So I tried his closest friend and again ignored.

Then it was a like a domino effect, one by one I could see it before my eyes, deleted, cast aside and not a word spoken.

First the two best friends, then the love and by the time Brady finally cut contact I couldn't breath cause of the constriction in my chest, the pain in heart, or see through the tears pouring down my face.

I sat there in my time of need dealing with the after effects of a seizure and losing friends who I had come to trust and the only person who I felt ever really understood me.

So as I sit here at First beach writing his name in the sand, much like he had done for me months early, my heart still aches and the tears flow.

I will not get to see this young amazing man grow into the incredible person that I know he will be.

It saddens me to know end that I will not get to share the happy celebrations that are just around the corner, so just to share life and experiences.

This 'moment' in my life is one that I truly wish I had no insecurities and stupid hangups and I am hoping that someday Brady will be able to say hello again, in passing of course.

But as it starts getting colder and twilight nears, I say goodbye to my friends, his best friends and love, I wish you nothing but happiness.

And to my ch... Brady, you made my life brighter for the time you were in it.

I wish you success, joy and complete happiness.

I love and miss you more than you know, good bye xx

fin


End file.
